Dear Followers and Friends,
It is strange to address a letter/post on this site to you instead of him as every post I’ve written thus far is not only for Johnny but to him as well. When I started this blog, I didn’t even know how blogs worked; I just wanted to create a secret space where I could anonymously express my feelings and to write him out of my system. I have only been blogging for about six weeks, and I’m still learning and discovering the power of reading so many words ripped from the throats, hearts, dreams of so many strangers. I am floored by the amount of wonderful feedback and visitors I’ve had to my “anonymous” site.
I never thought of myself as a writer. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked to write, loved to, really, but I’m more of an academic writer and a teacher of writing rather than an essayist or author. This blog is my reintroduction to writing the poetic form, and I’m in love with it! This means, new readers, that you may have to endure a rolling feed of my, at times, mediocre metaphors and similes.
As for Impossibly Blue–I wrote this post according to the rules of the challenge (well, almost). It took me 12 minutes instead of 10, but I didn’t edit or revise. I closed my eyes and let the images flow from my memory and out my fingers. I had no intent with this post except to meet the requirements of the challenge and do the best I could. I like the post, but, probably like most writers, it feels unfinished. I’ve been attempting to write many of the moments I spent with Johnny because I feel like it might help me get over losing him. It’s been so long that it seems like moving forward would be simple, but it is not. He told me once, “moving on is something you do when you get too old to change things.” I don’t know if I agree with that. I feel like you can change something every day, and the time to change is when you are no longer happy. I’m still learning this and attempting to practice it. I remember hearing his voice when he said those words to me–as if he were forcing them from his lips in hopes that saying them would make him believe. That gives me faith that one day we can stop worrying about what the world might think and instead hold tight to the fullness of our hearts when we are together.
To all of my “Before Freshly Pressed” followers–Thank you so much for finding and reading my blog. I have never felt such a strong connection with anonymous voices before, and I appreciate all of your kind words and abundance of likes.
To all of my new followers/readers–Thank you for visiting my blog and enjoying my small story. I hope you like what else I have to say, and I look forward to exploring all of your sites.
As for me, I’ll keep posting, but school starts soon and a teacher’s work is never done. I may post less frequently, but I hope not because I so enjoy digging through my emotions, my mind, my vocabulary to find the precise word to express what I’m thinking. I sometimes wonder, especially after being Freshly Pressed, how anonymous I will stay. I wonder if, somewhere in the Florida heat, Johnny might be reading me and finally opening his heart again to possibility.
Thank you all so much,