Petrified

How do people change their lives? I’ve always wanted to but I’m just so fucking scared. I have these ambitions or wants or desires or whatever that eat at me but I can’t make a step to change them. There’s something wrong with my brain or heart or god knows what but no matter what advice I hear or articles I read or poems I write, I am molasses or mud or oil or something that sticks and forgets to move. I am angry and wanting and all I do is sit here. Isn’t knowing about the problem supposed to be half the battle? Well I know I’m a fucking lunatic control-freak who can’t give up on what I have because I’m unsure what the future holds. I’m a petrified log, a mummified body, a fossilized bone–dead, buried, forgotten. And terrified. Don’t tell me I can do it or that it just takes one step because I know this all too well. I know my disease but the cure is decades from discovery. I will wither away into ashes before courage knocks on my door.

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5 thoughts on “Petrified

  1. I’ve been in such a place. Change comes when you’ve had enough, when the desire to change outweighs the fear which is holding you back. Be kind to yourself, it will come when you are ready.

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  2. It is scary to take chances. If we don’t.We will never know what we missed. Most of us fall into organized life and place. Change is good for the heart and the spirit. Take no chances, have no fun.

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