Jumping

I know it’s up to me
which makes these feelings
my fault.
Despite your silence
and eliminating actions,
I know it would be different
if I were different,
if I could just manage
to make a rational choice.
But choosing you
is so irrationally logical
that it doesn’t
make much sense
anyway.
It should be easy
to run towards a lifting love,
one that banishes
all self doubt,
but these feet
are stuck between
right and left,
solid ground and mid-air free-fall.
I know it’s me
who has to move,
to act,
to choose
this
or
that,
comfort
or
fear.
Would losing
be worth
winning?
Or would both roads
lead to ruin?
It’s these unknowns,
the ones you hold locked
inside a heart
that used to open
whenever I was in the room,
that leave me terrified
and standing on cliff’s edge,
five toes
on either side
of jumping.

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