Candy Strings

The windows let you in,
open their wide eyes
and eat you up.
you crawl around in circles
like a dog
and dream yourself to sleep
while I yell at you to leave.
Instead of running,
you snore
and take up space in my attic,
in my arms,
and I have enough to carry.
Your heart is heavy
and the steps are uphill
instead of down
while you float above
like a piece of candy
on a string tied to my wrist.
I can’t tell you what to do
but at least you could
ease this burden,
this rock inside my belly
where your vacant words
sit in silence,
leaving me weighted
and ever in the fog.




8 thoughts on “Candy Strings

      • I know what you mean, Patience… about sometimes the way another’s comments give us insight into what is coming through us. I don’t know if you have addressed it elsewhere, and you certainly don’t have to answer me, but most of your writing is about a “you” for whom you are yearning or remembering… I am curious to know if this is a real person you’ve lost? A hopefully real person you’re seeking to find? Or perhaps simply the deepest part of your own heart you are seeking to come home to? I am curious… but don’t need to know if those answers are not in the offing here. I understand… Your writing is beautiful, and it makes me wonder, that is all… The wondering too, can be beautiful…


        Liked by 1 person

      • He is a real person and I don’t mind you asking. He is also still alive. Some people want to know that too. You can ask anything you’d like since most people never do. Thank you for your kind words and I’m glad you like my writing. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Patience, thank you for this response. Your poems are so heartfelt and what is revealed is meted out so carefully, with so much held safely in reserve and out of sight. Your writing feels like explorations of the landscape that remained behind after the field of participants migrated elsewhere. We’re taking a tour of the smoking fires, the pockmarks in the prairie and the places beneath trees that were significant to you, but we’re left to piece it together from there… so it does feel a little like barging in to push further. But you’ve opened the door, so I’ll ask away… Once again, feel free not to respond…. The question unanswered is simply, what happened here? What did this land witness?

        But we could start simpler (or not at all)… It seems like you miss this person; how long has it been since things were the way you remember them?


        Liked by 1 person

      • This is such a lovely explanation of my blog. Thank you for that. It’s been years, 13 since I’ve seen him, since things were how I remember them. Too long, really, for those times to still be so raw in my heart, but it is what it is. I’ve often wondered how people can move on when it seems so utterly impossible for me. I’ve made life choices to try to jumpstart my heart into forgetting, but even those choices didn’t stop the yearning I have for him, for those moments together, for those late-night conversations we had. I know he loved me and I think he still does, but distance and circumstances have created a deafening silence between us, one that cannot be stopped. Thank you for asking. I know my answers are also as ambiguous as my poetry, so for that, I’m sorry. I told my story, almost completely once, and received nothing but hate, so I don’t tell the whole truth anymore. I already hate myself enough for this private empire I’ve created for a man who will never see it. I don’t want my readers to hate me too.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Patience,

        Thank you for sharing that… I am sorry the response to your story was hate, and appreciate the protectiveness this experience surely engenders. I am also sorry to hear of your feelings towards your self in this matter, and can only hope they soften… Such feelings arise from a particular way of viewing events, and there are other ways that one day will be made clear. Who can say when…? but trust the day will come… Love and pain have a strange way of locking intense emotional experiences into an enduring resonance.

        Your sharing reminded me of these passages from a book called A Course of Love that is near and dear to me these days… “What pain has your heart endured that it has failed to treasure for its source? Its source is love, and what greater proof need you of love’s strength? Such pain as has your heart endured would surely be a knife to cut through tissue, a blow that to the brain would stop all functioning, an attack upon the cells far greater than any cancer.”

        [skipping a passage or two]

        “Think not that these are senseless questions, made to bring love and pain together and there to leave you unaided and unhelped, for pain and love kept together in this way makes no sense, and yet makes the greatest sense of all. These questions merely prove love’s value. What else do you value more?”

        [skipping a few passages again]

        “Love and longing are so intimately attached because they joined together at the moment of separation when a choice to go away from love and a choice to return were birthed in unison. Love was thus not ever lost but shadowed over by longing that, placed between you and your Source, both obscured Its light and alerted you of Its eternal presence. Longing is your proof of love’s existence, for even here you would not long for what is not remembered.”

        Anyway… point being… whatever pain is bound up with this love will one day be released… Also, the “love” spoken of in these passages is not the specific love we commonly think of as love, but the Love that holds all such loves– the Love that is the center of our being, and the medium of our very existence.

        This Love is incapable of hatred, so I hope you can take solace in its embrace.



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