Unreal

This is so god-damned unrealistic,
these images I have
of this future we could have.
It’s like I still think I’m 21
and I can just change
and we could just be.
It’s so fucking ridiculous
to believe in these images of us
that never existed
except in my mind,
in letters,
in phone calls,
in two so very short weeks
where I knew all of you
and we were the future.
Because how do I know you now?
Do I?
Could I?
Aren’t we all essentially the same
as we’ve always been?
I know I’ve grown.
We all grow.
I’m stronger,
quieter with my heart.
I don’t say the inside things
like I used to
(unless it’s here,
in the din of a million voices
screaming for someone to notice),
but I’m the same.
I live the same,
speak the same
(with some better vocabulary).
I am still the girl
afraid to tell you the truth
but also unable to contain it.
I’m still the girl
who writes you letters
and stuffs them in cardboard
instead of mail boxes.
Are you not still the same boy
who played pranks
and loved his family fiercely?
Are you not the boy
afraid so of losing
that he never let love in?
You are him
and I am her,
yet it’s still so completely impossible.
It’s still so utterly insane.

***

I recently watched Adele’s new video, and I’m now obsessed. It’s like she sings exactly what’s in my heart. Here’s a link if you haven’t heard it yet. It’s not like this piece was inspired by the song, but Adele inspires me regardless.

~Patience

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