You–Then and Now

I love the you I remember,
the you I danced with
and laughed with.
I love this person,
this boy who loved
with hot restraint,
with hushed passion.
I love that you.
The one who played songs for me
and paid for long distance
just so he could call.

It’s funny how I pretend to love
the now you,
the one I’ve only heard once,
only read just a few times,
because I know that I don’t.
Not really
because I don’t know
if his laugh has blackened,
his fingers hardened,
his heart darkened.
I don’t know
the now you,
the one who gets angry and destroys,
the one who drinks and cries.

But maybe that’s how
you’ve always been
and you only showed me
your sweetness,
your light.
So perhaps
I do love you now
because I’ve always known
who you really were
even when it seemed I didn’t.

~Patience

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