Afraid

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Photo Credit: JordanRobin at deviantart.com

I have always been afraid.

Afraid of my parents
not coming back,
afraid of not having
a next meal,
afraid of losing
all my friends again
because we had to move
one more time.

I’ve always been afraid.

I worried that my mom
would take me away
or that I was too fat
for my step mom to love.
I was afraid to fail
or not wake up on time
because I thought
that might mean
I would have to go back
to no food
and no books
and no bed.

My fear has driven
every choice
I ever made
because every time
I find courage,
every time I reach out,
step off,
fall with arms wide,

I crash head first
into oncoming traffic.

Every time except for you.

I think that’s why I’m stuck.

Being with you
was the only time
I wasn’t afraid.
You held me
and saved me
and loved me
when I was alone
and bleeding,
when I was only pieces.

For two weeks,
I was safe,
and I haven’t
felt the same
since.

~Patience

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