I am a terrible person.

I am a terrible person.
I don’t know who I am
or what I want,
and, of course,
we all feel this way,
but I take people down with me.

I don’t know
who I should love,
so I love
too many,
too much,
too quickly.
I think not
of how what I do
will bleed
onto you
or him
or them.

I think only
of the pain
whirlpooling
in my heart,
the hot tears
that fire my eyes
and flame down my face
at the thought
of him,
of us,
of them,
of us,

and I’m trapped
in shackles
and it seems as if
I’m chewing through
my own flesh,
my own bone
just to find free.

I’m a terrible,
broken,
half of a person.

I’m filled with a void
so deep
that it’s all I am anymore.

I am nothing
but canyon
and open sea–
empty and vast and dangerous.

~ Patience

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2 thoughts on “I am a terrible person.

  1. Hey, I spent the last half an hour reading through your posts, and I thought I’d say, you’re a wonderful person. We all have our demons we call our friends, but that doesn’t make us bad people. I’m one of those people that’s bubbling with positivity from the outside but completely shattered and profusely bleeding on the inside, from heartbreak, conflict, lost love, change, and emptiness. I find solace in your blog and your posts, I just thought I’d tell you that every single one of your posts I’ve read thus far has been beautiful. Do keep writing, and don’t change a thing about it- it’s a beautiful window into your beautiful self.
    Much love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am also happy on the outside and only turmoil within. I appreciate you reading, saying I’m good people, encouraging my writing. I need people like you. I’m so glad you’re enjoying my work. 🙂

      Like

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