Stability

I think I crave structure
because I have none.

I need
routine,
rules,
stability
because I always feel like
a car about to careen
off the road.

I wanted your directions
because I’m so tired
of making my own.

If I give up control,
then I’m free from deciding
and I’m so tired of deciding.

I want
to breathe
and run
and fall
knowing that someone else
will catch me,
stop me,
tell me
when I’m off course
so that I can stop guessing
and trying to figure out
how to make sense
of a world
that doesn’t make sense.

And while you led,
you also asked.

It was as if you wanted
to know what made me
and no one wants to know that.

I could show you my broken
and you’d still want to see more.

The loss of this,
of you,
is why I’m sad.

I want someone
to want to know me,
to want to see me
even when I’m shattered,
and you’re the only one
who ever did.

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2 thoughts on “Stability

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