Don’t Stop Believing or Maybe I Should Start 

I wish I could actually
believe in myself.
At least a little.

I have no confidence.
Or what I do have is in tatters.

I can’t find the good.
At all.

And it’s so stupid
because part of me is like,
“Of course, I’m fucking amazing.
How dare you think otherwise?”

But then I think,
“Oh wait.
No, you’re not.
You’re ordinary,
plain,
boring.
Nothing special
or significant.
Just a sort of
wasted human
taking up the space
others could use.”

One half of me
thinks I’m great
and the other
can never keep up,
can never be good enough.

I’ve always been
a disappointed disappointment.

It’s so fucking sad,
and I can’t seem
to climb out of it.

~Patience

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