Return: A Conversation in My Head 

“Why are you back?”

“What do you mean? I never left.”

“Yes, you did. You left that day in the hotel. You said it was done. Never again. I’m pretty sure those were your exact words.”

“Things change.”

“That’s a non-answer.”

“Fair enough.”

“I fucking hate when you say that.”

“I know.”

“So, tell me then, why are you back?”

“I didn’t really have a plan.”

“Another non-answer. So I’m not allowed to say ‘I don’t know,’ but you can? How is that fair?”

“It’s not. But I’m telling you the truth.”

“So why isn’t it okay for me to say it? Most of the time I’m telling the truth. I don’t know the answer to whatever deeply personal question you’ve asked, but you make me answer anyway. Why?”

“That’s the way the game works.”

“I thought the game was over.”

“Well, it appears we’re still playing, aren’t we?”

“Are we? Because I can’t honestly tell. We go so long without talking, and then I’m just supposed to switch on and be what you want? Do what you want? How is that fair?”

“It’s not, but that’s how that game is played.”

“I fucking hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

“I know. I wish I did.”

“I know. So, are you done talking? Are we ready?”

“I’m never ready and always ready.”

“Then let’s begin.”


Sometimes, I wish I could actually have these conversations instead of just imagining them.



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