Judgement: A Conversation in My Head 

“Why do you care what people will think?”

“I can’t help it. It’s who I am.”

“Explain.”

“Explain what?”

“How is it who you are?”

“I’m anxious, worried. Always. Since I was little. I worry what people think, if I’m good enough, if people like me. I can’t stop it. No matter how hard I try.”

“Do you think I judge you?”

“Of course. Maybe more than others.”

“Why more than others?”

“Because I care what you think. Because your opinion of me is so important. I feel like I’m on a precipice, ready to tumble. Every time I hear your voice, I’m falling, unable to stop. If I do something wrong, if I get boring or ordinary, you will be gone again, and I will hurt, and I don’t want to hurt ever but especially now.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I’m fragile. Things have made me fragile. I just want to be what you want. I can’t lose that too.”

“I don’t judge you. I want what this is, who you are, who you can be if you’d just let go. Stop worrying.”

“Impossible.”

“Come here. Do you feel me next to you? Do you feel my heart beating?”

“Yes.”

“When it comes, the worry, remember the beat of my heart. Remember my skin touching yours, and know you belong to me. I will not let you go.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good.”

~Patience

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