Normal

My normal has disappeared.
My brain has betrayed me.

I wonder if this is how
my dad felt,
if this is how it started
for him.
Little tremors,
moments of forgetting,
stumbling,
stuttering,
failing.

I can no longer
get excited or
feel afraid
which is ironic
considering I’m
an anxiety-ridden mess.

And people talk to me
like I’m glass,
like at any moment
I’ll shatter,
and maybe I will.
No one really seems to know,

and my mind is too fucked up
to gather the questions
I need to ask,
so apparently

this

is my new normal,
my new prison,
my new life.

I think I understand now
why people in pain
want to give up.

***

I had a blood vessel burst in my brain two weeks ago. I’m fine though. But how could I be? They don’t know why or how it happened as I have no other issues. I’ve seen 4 neurologists thus far, and nothing. Still have another to go.

~Patience

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