To Know

I’m sad…again.
Because my ache for you
is so fresh,
again so raw,
so open and bleeding,
so new…again.

I’m shattered by unopened messages,
unread pleadings to be
seen,
heard,
held,
and pieces crash to the ground,
landing,
puddling in pools of unseen desire
to just…know.

To just for once really feel
what it is to crave like he craves,
to need like he needs.

I want to love like I love,
and I need
to hold your shards in my hands,
to feel the sides interlock,
to mold together
like they’ve always meant to be,
to shadow the swarms of broken thoughts

and heal,
finally.

But you forgot.
Like I forgot.

And now songs hurt my ears
because you walk inside them,
and I’m afraid of falling memories
as much as I want to wrap myself
in their light.

And I’m afraid of living without living
like I live
or breathing with you
or in some room where I can be
free and safe at the same time.

~Patience

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