Bad Choices Meet Anxiety

It’s pulling me, dragging me, yanking my skin from my bones in tiny tremors, and I can’t stop doing things to make it worse. Each step ignites even more aching shudders, ones that drive spikes into my eyes until I scream out, knowing that each bite is my own, each sour drop of pain began […]

It Never Stops

Buzzing, a hammering in my brain but deeper. Shaking, twisting around my insides, and I just need it to stop. I scream for it to stop. “You did nothing wrong!” “Everything’s fine!” But it screams right back in my face and I somehow know it’s right. I’m waiting for the basket to get too full, […]

Judgement: A Conversation in My Head 

“Why do you care what people will think?” “I can’t help it. It’s who I am.” “Explain.” “Explain what?” “How is it who you are?” “I’m anxious, worried. Always. Since I was little. I worry what people think, if I’m good enough, if people like me. I can’t stop it. No matter how hard I […]

Anxiety

This pain twirls around me, twisting until my breath shortens, my eyes bulge. Fast and faster, beating hearts fill my brain and I am swirling in the whatever this is, this agony stemming from dead branches already uprooted and turned to trash. Pieces chunk to the ground, ice-chip pain plummeting into shattered images mirrored in […]

Want Versus Have

I want your hands on every part, on every space that makes me. I need your rough fingers digging into my back, grabbing my chin, pulling me in for the kiss that will end me. I need abandon, reckless passion where we aren’t sure which of us is which. I want twisted sheets and twined […]

Self-inflicted

This anxious melancholy cloisters me, wraps me up in breath-taking blankets. It’s stealing my light and dulling the trees, stars, voices. So much sprinting through my mind, back and forth, back and forth, incessant pacing between thoughts, and I can’t keep up with myself. I’m suffocating on self-inflicted wounds that run the length of me, […]

Panic

Beatbeatbeat. A bundle of horse hooves gallops recklessly across a heart once made of paper and since turned to twisted bits of rusted wire. Breathebreathebreathe. Anxious strangles my throat, constricting it beyond air or microparticles of moments where I saw your silhouette refracted against a thorn horizon. Beatbeatbeat. This timbered landscape does nothing to ease […]

Anxiety (or Butterflies in Flight)

Butterflies flutter to life when anxious minutes elapse. My stomach turns outside like an elevator ride to hell, all flips and turns and heat. Jazz dancers play out routines on my insides and heart races, stutters, races. I am a jungle gym of swinging, kicking feet, an amalgamation of wings and heels and hands and […]