Walls and Breaking

My heart builds walls without limits or borders because all I am is barriers on top of barriers. I am a fortress, barred and towering over mountains dwarfed by my impossibility. I want to let you in, but can’t you see the walls are ice-thin and ready to crack with a breath? I look strong […]

Gone–A Conversation in My Head

“It’s gone. All of it. The pieces, the flaws, all those tiny trademarks that made me. They’re gone. Everything.” “I know.” “But why?” “Who’s to say?” “How can that be your answer?” “It just is. Like all things, I suppose.” “I don’t know how I lost myself, how this person here with you is even […]

Beginning of the End

Why do you leave me so unsatisfied? I try. I concentrate. I let go. I try, but nothing, and I don’t think you notice. I roll over with almost-tears in my eyes because I wonder if you feel the apartness as vividly as I do. Is it glowing in bright red, that line we’ve drawn? […]

Let Me Out

The voices in the basement scream with raw throats, breath catching in warped lungs empty of hope, and I can hear them scratching at the door, begging to be let out, so I listen, I reach in, and grasp their noise with bleeding fists, and I let them out. I watch as they emerge on […]

Blight

This swirling mess of bedazzled matter chokes on its own infinite cask – rebelling and rappelling from the salinated fetishes digging cancerous holes beneath a veneer of complacence. Inward – staunched and blanched- I see arms and hands, instruments of connection that reach out and recoil under the pain of rejection… under the guise of […]

Silences

I want men who refuse to speak. They shut down and disappear, run from me or the problem or something I can’t seem to see. Every one stares blank-faced, glassy-eyed and keeps his lips clamped tight, his brain behind countless locks, and I never seem to have the key. Maybe it’s because I have too […]

I Know

I know I should say something, anything, but I have no idea what to say. I am a broken human, one who sees only darkness within herself instead of light, and I’m always wrong, always over-thinking, over-doing so I don’t think it matters what I say, what I do. Nothing fixes what I mess up. […]

Bones and Blood

If my bones could talk, they would beg you to listen, to speak so that they may hear and know relief from the ache that’s whitewater rafting down their insides, from the missing that eats away at their fragile structures until nothing remains but ashen dust. If my blood could talk, it would ask you […]

Juggling

I think I’m over the absence infiltrating my days. It’s almost unbearable, the constant wondering when you aren’t wondering at all. It’s so fucking stupid. I want to throw things at the wall, at your head, and I’m getting pissed off. No. I am pissed off and I don’t really have a right or a […]