Normal

My normal has disappeared. My brain has betrayed me. I wonder if this is how my dad felt, if this is how it started for him. Little tremors, moments of forgetting, stumbling, stuttering, failing. I can no longer get excited or feel afraid which is ironic considering I’m an anxiety-ridden mess. And people talk to […]

Lost

Pricks and pinches, slices and sores. I’m full of empty unless you count pain. I’ve enough of that to spread around. Holes and hideouts, deserts and dungeons. I’m lost among familiars, their faces poking into a reality empty of full. Shattered and shaken, busted and broken. I’m a mirror in pieces on a dirty floor, […]

Return: A Conversation in My Head 

“Why are you back?” “What do you mean? I never left.” “Yes, you did. You left that day in the hotel. You said it was done. Never again. I’m pretty sure those were your exact words.” “Things change.” “That’s a non-answer.” “Fair enough.” “I fucking hate when you say that.” “I know.” “So, tell me […]

Someone Else: A Journal Entry

To those who listen: I can’t stop thinking about Johnny which is nothing new, but I keep wondering if I’d actually go, if I’d be better there, or if I’d still feel this listless wanting biting into my skin as each day pecks by, minutes on clocks forever rounding into the next mundane moment. Would […]

I’m So Confused

It’s worse to discover someone is not who you thought they were than knowing they were against you from the start. I can’t comprehend how one can transform like this, how you can say one thing and then blackout, go dark in an instant. You didn’t fade. You vanished.  And I don’t understand because I […]