Bad Choices Meet Anxiety

It’s pulling me, dragging me, yanking my skin from my bones in tiny tremors, and I can’t stop doing things to make it worse. Each step ignites even more aching shudders, ones that drive spikes into my eyes until I scream out, knowing that each bite is my own, each sour drop of pain began […]

Normal

My normal has disappeared. My brain has betrayed me. I wonder if this is how my dad felt, if this is how it started for him. Little tremors, moments of forgetting, stumbling, stuttering, failing. I can no longer get excited or feel afraid which is ironic considering I’m an anxiety-ridden mess. And people talk to […]

Lost

Pricks and pinches, slices and sores. I’m full of empty unless you count pain. I’ve enough of that to spread around. Holes and hideouts, deserts and dungeons. I’m lost among familiars, their faces poking into a reality empty of full. Shattered and shaken, busted and broken. I’m a mirror in pieces on a dirty floor, […]

It Never Stops

Buzzing, a hammering in my brain but deeper. Shaking, twisting around my insides, and I just need it to stop. I scream for it to stop. “You did nothing wrong!” “Everything’s fine!” But it screams right back in my face and I somehow know it’s right. I’m waiting for the basket to get too full, […]

Judgement: A Conversation in My Head 

“Why do you care what people will think?” “I can’t help it. It’s who I am.” “Explain.” “Explain what?” “How is it who you are?” “I’m anxious, worried. Always. Since I was little. I worry what people think, if I’m good enough, if people like me. I can’t stop it. No matter how hard I […]