Beautiful Nightmares

I have these nightmares disguised as dreams where we are cooking dinner together, music playing, loud, and your laugh fills me up each time it rings out; we dance and eat and make love until we are blurry and exhausted. Or where we are driving up some country road lit with dappled sunlight falling through […]

Stupid Things: A List

I keep thinking about stupid things like: throwing my laundry in and regretting washing your scent from the clothes I wore last time we touched; how I haven’t yet washed all of them so I can remember any trace of you that remains; wondering when I’ll have showered enough to no longer feel your fingerprints […]

Confessions to my Therapist: A Real Conversation

“I did something stupid. Again.” “Tell me.” “I spent the weekend, well, twenty-four hours, with this man.” “Why?” “At first, it was a way to get over that last douchebag.” “So, it didn’t stay that way?” “No. It was…different.” “How so?” “It was more. It was like I suddenly knew how it should have been […]

Separation

We sit in separate rooms, living separate lives, never realizing we’ve become shadows of us, ghosts of who we were when we were young, brazen, hopeful. How do you save something that never truly existed? Something that was only ever imagined, never real, only wants and desires, needs plastered on paper walls, dreams transformed into […]

IDK

The ache radiates from unknown places, and I’m not sure what I’ve become because I’m sad for losing something I should never have wanted, something I shouldn’t need. Something is broken inside me, falling into dark shadows toppling through shattered windows or doors or something I’m not sure how to name. But now I’m making […]

Unsafe

The danger dances on my tongue. I can feel its liquid steps walking, stomping on my will, carousing with the butterflies in my belly, and I wonder if it’s always felt this way, if the craving always feels unsafe, warm but unknown, sweet but terrifying. Torture waltzes through my blood, and I realize it’s just […]